Week 25: One Year of KLG Macassa

Holy smokes! Yesterday, May 19th 2021, marks one year of working full-time at KLG Macassa Mine. To say that this year has “flown by” is an understatement. So many things have transpired over the last 12 months, and every single one of them being (somehow) more exciting than the previous one. I’ve learned all kinds of things (electrical engineering or otherwise); whether it be how politics is so deeply ingrained within each decision, or the “ins and outs” of the z40 CANbus architecture. I’ve learned about hydraulic systems, scoop transmissions, motors, inverters, transformers, power distribution, the electrical trade and so much more. With all of these things, this past year has forced me to grow in ways that were previously inconceivable. I began this year full of doubts and struggled with the uncertainties associated with this endeavour; Although, I never doubted the choice I made to work here – my doubts lied only with myself and my capabilities. Yet, here we are! I am still the same electrochemical aficionado as I was one year ago, but with some added flare defined by my newfound knowledge, experiences, and working relationships. And now I have two kittens.

I’ve rewritten this post a few times now as I’m unsure of what kind of manner I’d like to approach this blog with. Originally, I had considered writing about my first day full-time and why it was difficult; Then, I decided it may be better to discuss why I committed to working here permanently after being involved as a student for three summers. Although, neither of these effectively capture any of the events that have transpired over the past year. Furthermore, I’m sure I’ve already written about these things to some degree in many of my previous posts. As such, I feel as though it would be most appropriate to focus on what I’ve learned. Unfortunately for me, this is the most difficult topic to write about since about a million thoughts present themselves as pertinent. So, I’ve narrowed them down to what I feel are the six most important things I’ve learned this year, and they are as follows (in no particular order):

1. Each individual’s beliefs are based on reason
2. Authority is necessary but is often used for the sake of being authoritative
3. Seeking responsibility is more effective than waiting for it
4. My greatest weakness is not insurmountable
5. Most of my frustrations lie with feeling misunderstood
6. What discerns me from others is my ability to learn

Each individual’s beliefs are based on reason: This is not necessarily something I didn’t know before – but it has cemented itself as a powerful reminder and is way more relevant than I ever gave it credit for. Everyone has reasons upon which they base their decisions, or reasons upon which they form their expectations. I’ve actually discussed exactly this in my blogs about The Circus and The Nature of Expectations. Over the past year, I’ve spent a significant amount of time alongside workers who are easily frustrated by the decisions of management. I’d like to note the very important detail that these frustrations are not unfounded – they are usually valid and are based on how the workers understand the facts and their own beliefs. Of course, management is generally privy to their own unique set of facts & beliefs formed by their perspective by which they base their decisions and expectations on. Therein lies the issue – the facts & beliefs of the workers are generally different than those of management. This isn’t one-sided either; sometimes, it is the case that the workers don’t understand the full narrative whereas other times it is management that doesn’t understand. This discrepancy is so ubiquitous amongst the culture and causes a lot of tension between the two entities within virtually any topic. Of course, a lot of people resort to placing unwarranted blame and anger towards others rather than being charitable and attempting to be introspective about it. However, recognizing that an individual’s beliefs are based on reason is a tremendously useful tool – it means that you can attempt to understand them and resolve any disagreement. It is far less likely that an individual is being completely unreasonable and that their decisions/expectations are formed without reason than one would expect. Learning from this, it has become increasingly clear to me that if ever I happen to be someone making decisions (ie. someone in The Room Where it Happens), it is critical to communicate as best as I can why I made the decision I made. Effective communication between different levels of the company is paramount to curating a positive culture wherein everyone understands the “why” of whatever they’re doing. Not only that, but being transparent about the decision making process allows for constructive criticism and valuable input that could lead to a better decision. Of course, communicating the reasoning behind every decision that is made takes a lot of effort and time (perhaps this is not always available), but nevertheless it should be prioritized. So often do I hear people call each other “fucking idiots” and get frustrated over simple misunderstandings. It would likely be surprising to both of these parties to learn that nobody from the other party shows up just to make bad decisions.

Authority is necessary but is often used for the sake of being authoritative: To be honest, this is a thought that I’ve surprised myself with. I am generally somebody who follows the rules, as I understand that a lot of rules were formed from mistakes/events that occurred before said rules were in place. However, what irks me is the “authority whipping” of it all, especially in the workplace. A particular coworker of mine is a repeat offender of this premise: he often exerts his authority to an extreme degree over his subordinates (and even those he perceives as subordinates) and goes great lengths to uphold the rules, even when I have seen him break said rules himself, or discuss how he does not agree with them. In theory, the act of upholding the rules is technically inreprehensible – but it is clear that he uses the rules to be authoritative. Perhaps authority is more necessary than I’d care to admit, especially in contexts where you may want a result as quickly and efficiently as possible. In fact, I witnessed first hand how being authoritative when making a decision (even when you’re unsure if it’s correct) is in some cases more effective than deliberating the details with the people working for you; However, it does not sit well with me when authority is used to only remind others that you posses it. Why would you ever want to make somebody feel “less than” in this sort of way? Furthermore, why would you expect them to respect you afterwards? The fact of the matter is, those who follow the rules for the sake of following the rules (or those who enforce them for the sake of enforcing them) do not care about changing the rules or making them better. I follow the rules – but I have learned to seek reasoning for why they are in place, and question if they are the right rules at all. If ever I am to have people working for me who do not follow the rules, I’d first want to know why they won’t follow them before I resort to corrective action and “authority whipping”. Corrective action and “authority whipping” instills only the resentment of authority and the sentiment of fearing the rules – or perhaps fearing the outcome of breaking the rules. Which means they’ll likely only follow the rules when they think they could get caught. This does nothing to correct or help people understand why they should be following them in the first place, and perhaps compel them to follow the rules when there’s no authority present.

Seeking responsibility is more effective than waiting for it: This premise has been the most career-altering. Unlike school, it is nobody’s top priority to guide and develop you at work. Sure, a few individuals may have this responsibility, but the time and effort they dedicate to your journey is significantly less than that of a teacher or professor (who’s primary job is to teach and develop). This isn’t wrong or bad, it’s just that a supervisor spends most of their time doing their own job. I’d estimate that 90% of my daily tasks & responsibilities are those I created for myself or asked to be involved in – some of these responsibilities were given to me because I was in the right place at the right time and happened to ask a question. Perhaps not everyone can do this (and nobody should be expected to), but I am in a position where I can stay late at work just to be present and learn about what’s happening day to day. My favourite thing to do is sit in the electrical shop at the end of the day when the electricians come to surface and just listen & observe. Listen to their issues. Listen to what they did during the day. Listen to what they need. Listen to the questions they ask. Listen to what their suggestions are. Then, it is my job as an engineer-scientist to take all of that information and make connections & solve problems. Perhaps it appears that I’m just sitting around for no reason – but in truth, most of what I’ve learned over the past year has only been accessible to me because I’ve been present. It has been difficult for me to do this comfortably, as I have deep issues acknowledging that I am allowed to take up space without justification – but so long as I make use of the space I take up in an effective manner, I need not apologize nor doubt that I belong.

My greatest weakness is not insurmountable: If you’ve read any of my other blogs, it is perhaps made obvious that I care quite a lot about what other people think of me. I don’t think that this worry is entirely misplaced – when establishing oneself, it is quite important that you gain the support and trust of those around you, which is formed by your behaviour and actions. In fact, the primary reason that I was offered this job in the first place was due to the positive impression I made while I was a student. Although like anything else, there is a point wherein this concern becomes unhealthy or unproductive. It is delicate and not obvious where that point lies, but I do know that I fall more into the unhealthy/unproductive region than I’d like to admit. Confidence & self-esteem are things I’ve always struggled with and had accepted that there was very little hope for improving how I viewed myself – I’ve tried many times already, to no avail. However, after talking with my Dad after one particularly frustrating day wherein I was heavily preoccupied with how a few individuals may perceive me, he mentioned something about how he used to be the same way when he first become a supervisor. I was quite surprised by this as my Dad is not somebody I’ve ever known to be concerned about anybody’s thoughts of him. I was always under the impression that it was a permanent boolean value – you either worried about it, or didn’t. I often distress that my lack of confidence will be my greatest inhibitor and what will ultimately prevent me from moving up in the industry. As such, to have learned that confidence is a skill which is dynamic and “workable” is quite the relief. Perhaps the solution to developing confidence is not my favourite one, which is just “time”. I am not fond of “time” as an answer because it means there’s nothing I could reasonably do to help the issue right now, but it is still relieving in some way nevertheless.

Most of my frustrations lie with feeling misunderstood: In high school, I hated english class because it was often difficult for me to articulate my thoughts in a way that reflected how I felt. In university, I learned that I was really terrible at explaining technical concepts to others, even when I felt I understood them well. There have been many instances in my life where I feel as though I just can’t “get it out”. Some people say that if you are unable to explain something adequately, then it’s because you don’t truly understand the subject matter. I’ve always had extreme dislike for this adage because I didn’t feel as though it was true for me most of the time, and it certainly wasn’t helpful. Furthermore, this challenge isn’t just present when explaining concepts, but it applies to how I present myself and my behaviours in a general sense. What I’ve learned about myself over the past year is that the reason for which I fail to articulate myself or act genuine is because of how nervous I get; and when I realize I’m not “getting it out” the way I intend to, I become overwhelmed. It doesn’t matter who the audience is; I even find myself struggling to articulate thoughts, becoming overwhelmed by frustration, and projecting myself disingenuously even with my own parents. Most of the time, in order to subvert this I prefer to write down most thoughts I have so that I’m able to sort & digest them better – which is the primary reason I began writing this blog in the first place. It wasn’t until after many conversations with my supervisor where I realized that I could articulate myself and get past what we both call “word soup”, it just takes a lot of effort – and somebody patient enough to work through it with me. This year I learned that it’s okay to take time to think through (and perhaps revisit) thoughts I have, even if it adds awkward pauses to natural conversation or isn’t addressed until later.

What discerns me from others is my ability to learn: Perhaps this one comes off as a bit narcissistic (as if I’m trying to make myself out as a savant, which I’m definitely not); Though learning to acknowledge this skill I have (or at the very least, interest) with regards to learning has allowed me to grow in unprecedented ways. Before (ie. in school), I was very hesitant to recognize that I was capable of learning and that my brain was my strongest tool because I was constantly surrounded by people just like me, people which I had wrongfully convinced myself were better at thinking than I was. I was apprehensive and discouraged by my lack of confidence to the extent that I’d feel anxious about trying to learn and participate. Encouraging myself to learn physics was difficult because I didn’t think I was capable of it. Yet that was extremely unfounded, as I did it anyway. However, when beginning every course, assignment, and exam, I’d always have to take time to coach myself through the mindset of “I cannot do this, I am not good enough at it”. This would get so debilitating that in order to perform better (or more efficiently) during exams, I’d always take a shot or two of gin before every single one to feel less anxious. Otherwise, I’d have to spend the first 15-20 minutes of the exam calming myself down before I could begin thinking at the level I needed to. This past year has taught me that I am able to learn, and I am good at it. My brain is what makes me valuable to this company, and I ought to be participating and providing input anywhere I reasonably can. I am a scientist, therefore I am programmed to ask difficult questions; I am an engineer, therefore I am obligated to find ways to answer these questions too. In addition, I’ve also learned that most things I concern myself about have merit. Sometimes, I concern myself about these things entirely too much (to the point of genuine worry); and because of that, people tend to be dismissive of a lot of my concerns and some even tell me that I’m just “overthinking”. However, perhaps their issue is just that they are underthinking. More often than not, my concerns (if not immediately valid) end up being valid and helpful at some point, and are never baseless. It is true, I am easily bothered by questions left unanswered or not answered sufficiently – but that doesn’t mean that they should be left that way.

Anyway, If you’ve made it this far, congratulations. You’ve received a masterclass on my psychology; and though that may not be valuable to you – it is valuable to me. Thank you. Happy one year, KLG – here’s to growing, learning, having fun, and producing gold.

(May 20th, 2021)